Freak out (in a good way) with your roommate, Lauren, as you open the door and find a modern kitchen (with luxuries like cheese knives!), a fancy washer AND a dryer, a gas fireplace that kicks on at the touch of a button (s’mores party, anyone?), an office nook (hello, work from home days!), and Netflix on the bedroom tv. Repeatedly high five over your luck at scoring such cool digs for the month.
Start unpacking just enough to locate your makeup bag and going-out shirt (because you only have room for one clurb shirt in your capsule wardrobe (it sounds trendy to put it that way instead of mentioning the backpacker lifestyle).
Meet up with some friends outside said clurb. Take a room-sized elevator (with a couch! and mirrors on the ceiling!) up to the VIP level where you meet up with a couple dozen more friends on a dance floor so packed that you don’t dance so much as kinda shimmy your shoulders, gawking at all the beautiful Colombian people. (Is it possible for an entire country to be made up of super models?)
Head to the bar (it’s also the smoking porch, but it feels like fresh air because there’s enough space to pull your wallet out of your purse…also we’re no longer in Mexico City’s pollution). Order a ginger ale, because you’re exhausted from travel day, and you feel a little twinge in your tummy, so you just want to play it safe. Say “ok” to a couple shots of aguardiente anyways. Because it’s the first night on a new continent and you want to try the local specialty. Take two bites of Hawaiian pizza. Gag.
Put down your ginger ale and head back to the fancy elevator. Text your roommie to let her know you’re ghosting, and order an Uber (sit in the front seat, because that’s what Uber drivers request so they don’t get targeted by aggressive taxi drivers here in Bogota). Head back to your cozy apartment and your comfy bed.
Wake up repeatedly throughout the night with an urge to run to the bathroom. Give up going back to bed and just bring a pillow and blankets to soften the cold, hard floor. Finally pass out around 6am and sleep until 11:15am when your roommate opens the bathroom door in search of a hairdryer only to find you a sorry sight on the floor. Laugh over the absurdity of the situation. Then crawl back into bed with a glass of electrolyte-enhanced water and watch MTV Latin Pop music videos all day long. #homesweethome